… that my plan didn’t work out so well. As we speak, Briana’s troops are storming the castle walls, stealing the things I stole from her, and murdering innocent people (because they’re just mean like that.) My chocolate-induced road trip did slow her down– I also employed the help of a man in a Mickey Mouse costume. You’re welcome– but alas, she’s back. You’re sad aren’t you?
I would be. I was amazing leader.
BUT! Because I care about you (read: am disappointed in your lack of participation,) I will try my best to keep maintaining my letters and the features incorporated through a network of secret spies and trained mice. Comment! Participate! Have fun! (Or else)
With that, I must leave you. There are soldiers coming up the hallway. They sound angry. Briana must have brainwashed them into hating me. I’m too lovable to hate out of free will.
Hopefully, I will one day return and conquer the Reader, Writer, Critic kingdom again. But until then, Briana’s back. The party’s over. (I grant you permission to cry.)